Living with a chronic illness can be incredibly challenging, but having supportive friends can make a world of difference. If you have a friend who’s dealing with a chronic condition, here are some meaningful ways to show your support:
1. Educate Yourself About Their Condition
If you’ve always been healthy and come from a healthy family, it can be tough to wrap your head around the idea of living with a chronic illness. It’s a life that requires constant management, adaptation, and resilience. Unlike an acute illness, which is temporary and can be treated or cured, chronic illnesses are long-lasting and usually permanent. They can include conditions like diabetes, arthritis, heart disease, and autoimmune disorders, among others.
When your friend has received a diagnosis for a chronic condition, or you’ve just recently learned about it, take the time to understand your friend’s illness. This shows you care and helps you understand their challenges better. However, remember that your friend is the expert on their own experience. You never want to lecture them about their condition, and you don’t want to pretend you know more than them. Just educate yourself enough to be aware. That way, you can have context to understand their challenges and can provide meaningful support.
2. Respect Their Boundaries and Energy Levels
Chronic illness often comes with limited energy and invisible symptoms like pain and fatigue. Respect when your friend says they need rest, and don’t take it personally if they can’t always engage as much as they’d like to.
Be flexible with your plans. Chronic illnesses can be unpredictable, and your friend likely already feels guilty for needing to bail. Offer to reschedule. Or offer alternatives! While your friend might not be up for meeting in person, maybe they’d like a video call instead. Instead of a night out, suggest a low-key activity that can be done at home. Perhaps instead of going to the new art gallery, you can try the TikTok ‘pass the painting’ challenge at their place.
By offering alternative activities, your friend can enjoy your company without the pressure of going out. Be patient and continue to show up for your friend. Keep in mind that recovery and treatment for chronic illnesses can be a long process with many ups and downs.
3. Surprise Them With Thoughtful Care Packages
During particularly difficult times, consider sending a care package. However, be mindful of the content. While get well gifts are great during flare ups or hospitalizations, you might want to avoid too many “get well soon” messages. In some cases, these can be frustrating for someone with a chronic condition since treatment is more often focused on management, rather than a cure.
Focus on providing items that bring comfort or distraction: soft blankets, their favorite snacks (if diet allows), books, puzzles, or soothing skincare products. When choosing gifts, consider the specific needs of your friend’s condition and encourage self care. For example, someone with chronic pain might appreciate a heating pad, while someone with frequent nausea might benefit from ginger tea and peppermints. The key is to show you’ve put thought into their situation.
4. Validate Their Feelings and Experiences
Sometimes, the most powerful thing you can do is simply listen without judgment. Your friend probably needs empathy and understanding more than anything else. Far too often people look at someone with chronic illness and make assumptions or offer unsolicited advice. Instead of trying to fix the situation, just be there to listen. Validate their feelings and experiences without minimizing their struggles or comparing them to others.
Acknowledge that what they’re going through is difficult. And avoid minimizing their struggles or trying to force positivity. It’s okay to say, “That sounds really hard. I’m sorry you’re going through this.” But avoid saying things like, “But you don’t look sick” or “Have you tried…?” Just being there and truly hearing them can be incredibly comforting.
Chronic illness can be isolating, so check in regularly, even if it’s just a quick text or funny meme. Let them know you’re thinking of them.
5. Recognize Their Resilience and Courage
Chronic illness can be incredibly challenging, and acknowledging your friend’s strength can provide a much-needed boost of encouragement. Highlight specific instances where they’ve shown resilience or courage because it can be hard for them to recognize those traits. For example, you could say, “I really admire how you’ve managed to keep working and stay positive despite everything you’re going through,” or “I’m impressed by how you handle your treatment regimen so diligently. It takes a lot of strength to do that every day.”
Celebrate their personal milestones together, too. Whether it’s completing a challenging treatment, reaching a health goal, or simply making it through a tough week, recognize those accomplishments. Sometimes, writing a heartfelt note or card can convey your admiration and support in a tangible way that your friend can keep and revisit when they need encouragement. Gold stars may seem childish, but they actually can be a pretty good motivator for adults too.
Remember, every person’s experience with chronic illness is different. The most important thing you can do is to communicate openly with your friend about how you can best support them. Be honest about your mental and emotional bandwidth, and establish boundaries when you need to. But also keep in mind your presence and understanding can make a significant difference in their life. Friends can be a crucial part of their support system.
